Have your wedding the way you want, not how everyone else wants!
Is there more than one person muscling in at every opportunity? Do mothers want to invite everyone, fathers want specific food or do friends want to decide on the best entertainment for you? If this is you then don't worry. It is perfectly normal. It's how you deal with these interferences at the early stages that will determine how well you manage them over time.
Be firm. Have confidence in your ideas and the choices you make. It's important that on the day you're happy. If someone elses' vision isn't the same as yours and you allow yourself to be swayed by them you'll regret it. Here are a few tips on how to be discreet, get your own way and keep the peace.
Allocate jobs - You know your family and friends strengths and weaknesses so utilise them. If mother (A) is a good seamstress then give her some flower girl head bands to make. Important to her but not so much in the grand scheme of things. If father (B) is a good handy man ask him to make a postbox or wishing well for guests to deposit their cards. If friends insist on helping out, get them to write invitations. Whatever the task, pick something that does not involve decision making but allows them to still get involved.
Decide what you want before you consult anyone - Don't ask peoples opinions if you think they are likely to be negative or disagree. Go ahead with it, stick to your guns and tell them once it's done. Have faith in your own choices.
Selecting you guests - This can be where things get tricky. Especially if a parent is footing the bill. Quite often those who pay think they get a say! But you need to decide if this is the case or not. If someone is financially involved and wants to take over the guest list you may have to compromise. This will depend on the type of person you are and how confident you feel about sticking by your decisions. If you can't pluck up the courage to say no it's my day i'll invite who I want then maybe you could allocate 1 table to the person with the purse strings, explain you want to be surrounded by your friends and family but are happy for them to fill a table with who they wish. This way you won't be surrounded by people you either don't know or aren't that fussed about socialising with. If there really isn't any room for movement and it starts to get you down you could always look on the bright side. The more guests the more gifts!
Strike a deal where you chose who comes to the ceremony and breakfast but allow them to invite who they like to the evening reception (venue site permitting)
Remember - A wedding day is not worth falling out over so don't let it get between you and your nearest and dearest. It's hard enough agreeing between you what you want as a couple without factoring in others. Be brave, be strong, decide from the beginning what you want and go for it. Be open to discussion, listen to peoples ideas but take from them what you want and leave the rest. Perfect phrases like -
We don't think that goes with the style of our day
I've dreamed of having this at my wedding for as long as I can remember
We like that idea, we'll think about it
Thanks for the suggestion we'll see if we can fit it into our plan
Sorry we couldn't quite make that work, great idea though
We haven't forgotten about your suggestion, we've just got lots more investigating to do.
We're grateful for you help, maybe you wouldn't mind sorting ___ (allocate a non decision making task)
Family feuds are one of the top most stressful parts of a wedding. As an experienced negotiator this is where a wedding planner can really lighten the load. We can say what you're afraid to say and do what you're avoiding doing and stand firm when it comes to your ideas. After all we're there to support you in all your decisions and make your day perfect whatever stye or theme that is.
